post-christmas rant

It's been a while, and to be honest, not that much has happened. I saw panda's at San Diego zoo, I came home, Christmas came and went and I stayed confused about life.

Going back to Chris would be so easy, easy life, easy travelling too, and he is good to me--I know that. But it's boring, and I know it would be. It would be a mistake to go back, but he texts like he used to and it makes me miss that. I like having a second home, and a good man by my side. And then there is Elliot, perhaps everything Chris is not--easy on the eye for starters. Apart from when his top comes off, the hair and the weird skin is visible and I don't like it. But I have wanted him for as long as I can remember--it's a shame this dream just isn't how I wanted it to be. The personality is sweet, and he is loving and better in bed, there is no doubt about that, but for some reason I'm forcing myself to go over for a few days later and I don't know why, I should want to go, but Chris is in the back of my mind.

I'm not going to marry Chris, and probably not Elliot, maybe I should just enjoy the single life for a while?