it's easter

and i have been home for a few days so far. i hated easter lunch, everyone was all like not bothered about me. and now im home alone until sunday, when i will head back to winch for work...and just stay there.

the only part of this week i have enjoyed is hanging out with everyone. we always have such a good time when we come back home; and i love it! i love my friends in basingstoke, they are the best and to be honest, this town is nothing without them!

Today the one thing that put a smile on my face was a spontaneous trip to Southampton to get pizza. Now I regret that. I feel fat and ugly. I'm going for a long run in the rain; and then I guess I had better finish my assignment due in tomorrow.

Unhappiness

For some reason, lately, i have been struggling to find a reason to smile. I am letting bad thoughts run through my head, breaking down in tears, missing Chris. He is really the only person (bar hannah) who i have ever opened up to about my life before; and im really struggling knowing that i can't turn to him for a hug or a chat at whatever time of day. Yes i know we we horrible as boyfriend and girlfriend now, but when we first ended, he made it clear he would still do anything for me - but lately this has changed; and i'm not coping so well. I need someone to just talk to sometimes and i really don't know who that can or is going to be...

Guess to be fair; thats what this blog is for, to vent my emotions when no-one is there, and i imagine i will be relying on it a whole lot more now.

I can't put my finger on why, but every smile i make is forced, and every morning i just want to wake up and go back to bed and not face the day. My university work has taken a backseat in life and i just dont care about it anymore. I just want a change of scenery, a change of place. I want to get far away where i can not face the day or anyone i know.... bring on summer?

I guess this week the phrase "i'm fine" is about to be over-used to the maximum.